On "The Birth"
A very good friend of mine who is too shy (i think) to post a comment on the blog sent me this email:
Hey Dude,
unblemished by star-light.
A view so divine,
even the moon lingered a while longer
The babe divine, swaddled in blood.
“Breathe my dear, breathe my child,”
“May the night with your cries be flood
-------------------------------------------------------
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It was almost as though all was lost
When this strange glow did spread.
The infant shone like the naked sun,
And the beasts trembled with dread
------------------------------------------------------- When this strange glow did spread.
The infant shone like the naked sun,
And the beasts trembled with dread
Plus, there isn't an emotion I could relate to so wouldn't be an all time favourite of mine :)
Reggie Falange
...
And I agree with him. First, guess I shouldn't try to force myself to complete a poem. Complete it in the same sitting or just post the half-done verses. Second, don't water down the climax!
Thanks for your comments Reggie!
Reggie Falange
...
And I agree with him. First, guess I shouldn't try to force myself to complete a poem. Complete it in the same sitting or just post the half-done verses. Second, don't water down the climax!
Thanks for your comments Reggie!
Iyer
6 comments:
Have a lot to say ... have saved half the comment elsewhere. Will put it up soon :)
hurry up...cant wait ;)
Iyer
Iyer: Here goes ... ;)
I completely agree with you about the Rhyme - I always felt it "strained" a poem. It sounds 'artificial' to me and very few exceptional poets can handle rhyme.
And yes, please do not force yourself to complete a poem and post in one-sitting :) The tone always varies and so does the mood.
As for why I thought The Birth was fantastic - it was effortless reading, it took my mind to many places, it set several parts of my mind wondering/wandering and most importantly - it has beautiful musical quality & imagery.
The usage of words (I don't know if it was deliberate) added to that music quality & images.
Imagery: It moves through a spectrum of colours and sights; from dust grey clouds, dragon's scorching breath, to the rusty floor ... to white.
Sound: It covers a variety - scream, souls that are not rested, rumble, roar, moan, cries, murmurs and finally the carol.
It spans across death and life with unrestrained ease... It covers evil and good, God & devil, War and peace ... it handles such opposite stands and it ends in a perdect way! It was deep in imapct, quite contrary to Reggie's thoughts; at least for me.
And it has the quintessential vagueness about a piece of work that leaves me thinking about it - that's what I love most!
I think the metaphor of Mother and Child is what made it so powerful and without that, perhaps it would've fallen flat in impact.
I liked your poem. an engaging read. The ryhme did not seem to be forced, atleast not untill the end where you watered it down because your original idea was too dark.
What i could not put a finger on ranj has decribed it well. it is truely the imagery that lets me feel and build the poem around me.
If possible and if your mood permits do build on the your original idea.
that wud be blasphemous!
:D
iyer
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