Tuesday, April 05, 2005

An ode to my ego

My ego has taken me places cant remember how,when and where he was born.
I usually carry it with me everywhere I go. Be it work,be it the dance floor, be it a game of cricket usually do not confront him. I usually tend to let my ego have his way.
But today was one of those days when I did confront him.
And little did I know, he has grown so much ,so fast. I don't even recognize him.

I usually tend to confront him when I happen to deal or should I say tame a woman's stubbornness. Don't get me wrong here. I think a woman is a fascinating creation.
I love to have women around me but not my ego. How do you explain to a woman she was wrong? Well I usually do not. I usually deal with it through humor and sarcasm and manyatimes playfulness.
But only when it is below a threshold point. Today it hit that point. And my ego took over.
It lasted two hours. I think I made her cry. inside. He left doing enough damage.
And that's when I confronted him. Our conversation was short. I had a few questions to ask. And he answered them promptly. One particular answer took me aback I questioned him about his intentions, he had just one thing to say. And that was what and why he does is purely to hide my thoughts, my feelings. And this is because I can dish out a whole range of emotions at one person at one moment. And that I lose the plot completely then. And that's my weakness. A weakness he covers.

I realized he was right in a way. All those moments in my life when I had to make one important decision, say one important word to that one important person, I let him take over. Because of my reputation to radiate a spectrum of emotions, I have sometimes exposed one thought.

like a spider web......... The only difference being I am caught in my own web.

and tomorrow and for the next few days I will have to try explaining this to the woman.....
then again on second thoughts... I think I am better off leaving her alone.
Cos deep inside I know she knows I was right.

is this my ego speaking again?.................

Lolly

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Re-doing my ego...

Surprising...I met mine today as well..she was all pink and rosy and
dressed in white...calm..casual..headstrong..everything i wasn't..i
did not confront her though..she confronted me...she said she wanted
to talk...*gulp* never a good sign!

I sat down...bated breath..listening of what this newbie was going to
say. She was suddenly angry..I had not invited her over frequent
enough i believe..well no fault of mine..i happen to be doing just
fine alone..but she thought otherwise.

Another hour of lecture..why i need her..facts and examples of when I
could have performed better with her by my side...blah
blah...bored..yawwnn..this is the time when there needs to be an ice
cream truck around...ting - a ling - a ling..

Finally she left..phew! and I was myself again...but i had to
reflect..why she was never around when other ego's fluttered around in
pride..and I didn;t even miss mine??! hmmm..Do i hide her..nopes. Am i
embarassed to reveal her..nopes. Do i need her..am sure I do. Do i
like her..errm I have to! Do i realise i have her? Sometimes....Is
there another ego fighting my armour in white? Nahh..too far
fetched...

The day faded..I was growing tired...Still no explanation..one last
plunge into my thoughts..I decided to give her a make-over..brilliant
idea..redo the colours..the tone..the appearance...the clothes..it
should definitely work!

Failure...it never happened..she never returned..compassion was my
pretending -to-be companion at times..no im not angelic....im
insane...

And insanity is what befriends me..and it hates pink...

-Mist